Wanting this day to be over

Because I’m leaving for Florida at 6am tomorrow! Woohoo! You know what a 6am flight means though right? I have to get up at 3am to get ready and to the airport in time to sit around and wait for my flight. Joy. But I can’t complain because it was 29 degrees this morning when I got into my car after scrapping the ice off. 29 motherf-ing degrees.

I. Am. NOT. Ready. For. Winter!


Have you taken a moment out of your day to realize that today is in fact Veteran’s day? Thank a Vet for your freedom, we have no idea what they have endured for people they don’t even know.


Anyone interested in guest posting for me while I’m gone? I know nothing like a last minute request hehe. Email me if you think you might want to.

wtf am i talking about?

I haz a happy hangover today. Yesterday was full of hope, relief and was generally a good day. Last night I met some family for dinner that I haven’t seen in much too long. It was relaxing and I truly had a great time.

Today? Ugh I woke up at 1am feeling completely shitty I’m not sure why. But I will tell you that peppermint tea can work wonders!

——–On to something not completely related————

I want to talk about ‘hurling’ under the influence. My little bar escapade on Halloween was lots of fun and I was able to drive home without having to worry. I indulged in 6 or 7 jager bombs at my friends condo before we went out. If I haven’t said it before I’m the cheapest date ever. I’m a lightweight and my friends constantly make fun of me. So I was pretty drunk before we left.

But at the first bar it was all smokey and I needed some fresh air.

It’s a fact that when I pass a certain point of drunkenness you better get me outside or I will “ralph” somewhere. I can’t even promise I won’t puke outside cuz I’ve done that a few times too (sitting in a camping chair, off the side of a deck, outside of the Post Bar…). It seems to be a general consensus that when you aren’t feeling so hot with all that alcohol in your system you need some air.

I wonder if my constant need for air is mental. I didn’t drink much in high school. Sure IC and I did shots of peppermint schnapps and stole some other sips from whatever was in the basement cabinet but we never got flat out drunk. Oh no. That didn’t happen until we took our trips up north. We had a friend that would always remind us of “Mind over Matter” and would escort us out of his basement and into the cool night air. I never once ‘lost my cookies’ there. Thank God cuz really that would have been embarrassing 😉

So back to Halloween. I had to get out of the first bar, everything was making my stomach turn. Luckily the next bar we went to had the door wide open and the mild air was circulating the smoke and perfume haze. No hurried trips to the nasty bathroom for me (what? you’ve never done that?!)

I didn’t spend any money that night. By the time we left the bar at 1am I hadn’t had a drink in 4 hours and by the time we got back to the condo I was fine. Which is great cuz I would much rather sleep in my own bed.

Today is a good day

OK let’s get on with it. I voted, did you?

So if you don’t vote you are lame. 1. that’s a big FAIL and 2. you have four years ahead of you where you can’t complain about anything since you didn’t do you part!

Cool now that that is done with we can get on to other stuff.

What stuff do you ask? I’m not really sure. I don’t have a lot going on today. I’m anxious about the election, mostly because I just need to know whether I need to move to Canada or not.

I’m wearing probably the ugliest shirt that I own, but it’s one of my favorites. I think it’s because it makes me feel waif-like. And c’mon I’ll never be waif-like. Wait. Wait. I’m athletic. My bones are anything but petite and I’m not graceful. I’m as clumsy as they come.

Speaking of clumsy my dad kicked me square in the head last night. He said it wasn’t that hard, but he did ask if I was seeing stars and then preceeded to laugh. He also informed me that it was my fault he got me in the head. Um Hm. I love my dad. (for those of you that are new here, my dad is a 3rd degree black belt in tkd and also my Instructor)

I leave for Florida in 8 days. 8 days! I love planning last minute trips.

You guys it’s 70fuckingdegrees here! Do you know how awesome that is and how wonderful that makes my day? I’ve had a couple things to make my day wonderful as well.

I can’t wait to go home so I can crank my music up on my drive home and sing at the top of my lungs. That’s what days like this make me want to do. Roll the window down, turn the music up, and pretend I can sing. I love sunshine!

How was your election day?!

When you think it’s as bad as it’s going to get it gets worse

When it’s not one thing it’s another. We had to take Liko, our 15lbs rat terrier to the emergency vet. When we got home from grocery shopping we noticed an Advil bottle laying in the middle of the floor. We predict that he ate at least 6 and not more than 15 tablets. His eyes were glazed and his little body swayed when he tried to walk. Than the vomiting started. We are talking projectile (sorry that was probably TMI).

The emergency vet told me I had to call the ASPCA poison control before I came in. There was $60 out the window. He has to stay at the hospital for fluids and charcoal for the next 24 hours and than they will decide if he needs to stay. The biggest fears are renal failure or damage and ulcers.

Luckily, we caught it early and his vomiting may have helped. Tomorrow we might have to have him transfered to his normal vet for more fluids and a renal check. You don’t even want to know how much this is costing and I don’t even have the final amount. But what are you supposed to do? Refuse treatment? I don’t think so.

*sigh there goes our vacation 🙁

Hopefully little Liko will be feeling better by tomorrow.

Bruised and swollen but i have black to show for it

I had my Bodan Belt testing this afternoon. For those of you that aren’t familiar with Tae Kwon Do, the Bodan Belt is half red and half black. It is considered a black belt even though it is not all black. It is the belt before you test for your 1st degree black belt. In a sense it’s a jr. black belt, but don’t let the jr. fool you. It still takes a lot of work and as Grandmaster said today as I began my combination kicks, ‘this is a black belt, these need to be good’. Yep no pressure thanks 😉

I’m always extremely nervous about testing because I have performance anxiety. I completely blank out sometimes. Since I was technically black belt testing I tested seperate from the 10 other students. They did their warmups, 13 exercises, blocking sets, answered questions, performed poomsaes and broke boards all while I sat and waited.

I was taking deep breaths trying to stay calm and after their promotion to their next colored belts I took the floor for warmups. Most of the kids and their parents left, a few stuck around to watch my testing. I tried to block them out and surprisingly enough I did.

I ran through my poomsaes that I was asked to do. Then I was told to do 100 pushups. Have you ever done 100 pushups? And not the girly kind. I had to stop after 60 and take a break. Though it really wasn’t a break since they were telling me I had 40 more to go. 40 more! I was afraid I wasn’t goin to make it. But I did and when I stood up I was told to go into the next requirement.

I ran through 10 blocking sets, 9 1-steps (I realize that you probably don’t know what these are but it’s ok), self-defense, combination kicks and finally board breaking. Oh board breaking. I had a routine all planned out. 10 boards in all. I had practiced and was confident that when the time came Grandmaster would toss my routine out and tell me what to do. I wasn’t disappointed.

5 spinning hook kicks, 2 hand chops (right hand) and a punch (right hand). I got through the spinning hook kicks and hand chops. The punch…oh the punch it didn’t break the board. Grandmaster told me to snap kick so I did and I broke the board, it was a piece of cake. But he wasn’t satisfied, he was determined I’d break the board with a punch. So he picked another one up and gave it to my dad and one of the other black belts that was helping judge. I tried with all my might to break that board and I didn’t think about the pain in my hand. No such luck, my punch didn’t break the board.

I thought I was off the hook. Grandmaster walked away saying that was enough, ‘I tried twice, now I’m afraid’. But instead of walking off the mat he picked up another board and turned around, ‘one more time’. I had no choice. One more try. This time I broke it. But I paid a price. My right hand is swollen and quite bruised. Luckily the adrenaline was pumping so I barely felt it.

And now I am a black belt. Grandmaster predicted in 6 months I will be testing for my first degree black belt. The full black one where I will have my name embroidered on it. The one where my paperwork will be sent to Korea and my picture will be given to the police station, because I will be considered a weapon. Cool huh?

I will have some video up (maybe) or some pictures up sometime next week. This is a huge accomplishment. Not just the black belt but the fact that I didn’t let my performance anxiety get the best of me. Wow, what a rush.

Confessions of a distracted girl

I have a a couple confessions to make. I enjoy some of the quirks from when I was a teen thankyouverymuch.

– I use the Magic 8Ball more than I should. I wish I had one that was tangible that I could hold. I know. I know. I really should grow up.

– I check my horoscope daily, I’m not fanatical about it, but I like to see what my day could possibly be like.

– When I hear certain songs played spontaneously on the radio that remind me of people I wonder if they are thinking about me.

– Certain color combinations remind me of people from 8th grade. I know you are smiling IC because you know what I’m talking about.

That is all for now.

A message from above

I’m 26 and I’ve never dyed my hair. My Mom instilled fear in me whenever I would bring it up when I was in high school. “Your hair will NEVER be the same!” she’d tell me. I was always proud that I inherited my mom’s hair. She didn’t start coloring her hair until she discovered some grays and even then it wasn’t a regular occurence. I have to say that I love the color of my hair. In the winter it looks black, BUT IT’S NOT! (I have feelings about this) It’s actually just dark, dark brown. In the summer the sun brings out the red highlights that I believe I inherited from my Irish Great-Grandmother. (Yes I’m Irish thankyouverymuch. At least about 1/8 🙂 I’m also 5/8 Filipino so some people laugh when I say I’m Irish)

Recently I was thinking about saying “fuck it” and dying my hair. I go through stages where I just want to be different, haha maybe be someone else 😉 I was at the doctor’s office when this mother and daughter sat down next to me. They were talking about the color of her daughter’s hair, which was a very dark brown.

Mother: I wish I would never let you dye it, it’s NEVER going to be the same

Dauther: You don’t like the color?

Mother: It doesn’t look natural, it’s a nice color but you had such beautiful auburn hair before you dyed it. It’s NEVER going to be the same.

Daughter: Yes it will

Mother: No it won’t

Needless to say, I abandoned the idea of toying with the color of my hair.

*looks up to the bright blue sky, “I hear you Mom, I promise I won’t dye it”

Cleaning around the elephant

I’m going to spend my weekend cleaning, I think. Which is fine, but it got me thinking. When I clean, I wipe down counters and anything that is obviously visible. But the basement, closets and cupboards are another story. See you only see that mess when you open them up. It’s kind of like my life right now.

I can be clean and organized on the surface, but underneath I’m pretty much cluttered and a mess. The parts of the house that no one sees, I don’t want to even start cleaning those up because I’m overwhelmed. I don’t know where to start. Cleaning the basement, closets and cupboards means throwing things out that have sentimental value that I no longer want or need.

Things I outgrew, like my cabbage patch dolls, barbies, kiddie games, old clothes, cracked cups and broken dishes. I know that it can’t wait forever, that one of these days I’m going to have to take the effort and time to clean up both the house and my personal life.

Random nuggets

I lied.  I guess I feel like writing.  I was outside with my phone on lunch jotting thoughts down.  I’m so exhausted today.  I have no idea why, but I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this tired.  This is even worse than when I only got 2 hours of sleep.  I guess I haven’t been sleeping well lately.   Anyhow here’s a bullet of my randomness:

  • I like the smell of wood (shut it! lumber…you pervert )
  • I had a dream I was doublefisting donuts last night.  One was jelly filled, the other was glazed and had chocolate frosting on it.  YUM!  (sidenote: I used to be able to resist donuts…yeah not so much anymore)
  • This morning someone brought in donuts, I chose the jelly filled, but wished I would have gotten a chocolate frosting one.
  • I totally realized I dropped the ball on some work that didn’t get done.  It was an honest mistake I swearz!
  • Red vanilla tea…amazing
  • Favorite lyrics as of right now: “guess i’m wishing my life away, with these things i’ll never say”
  • I want to curl up with my pups and sleep
  • I need a vacation
  • Sometimes I imagine myself going home to another place like another dimension of my life where the only things that are consistent with my real life are my dogs
  • Some people hide their crazy well, others do not
  • I eat a banana every day Monday-Friday
  • I miss being responsible for just me

Ok back to work…


I let some of the anger go today. Anger is my defense mechanism. I don’t know when I developed this, because I remember being anything but angry when my Mom died. I was sad and heartbroken but I never got angry.

At the beginning of the summer shit started to hit the fan and all I felt was anger. I’ve been angry for going on 3 months. That can’t be healthy. What is that saying? Anger is one letter short of Danger?

The sea of angry water retreated somewhat today and I felt for the first time the hurt of others around me. I quickly “got control” and let the anger protect my heart from feeling any more. The truth is, (my real life friends that have heard me bitch) the family has A TON of issues yes, BUT they also (when not being a major pain in my ass) act like they care for me when I am there.

I guess it’s just family dynamics that I’m not used to. I don’t have any siblings, much less any that complain about each other on a normal basis. Another truth? C tries so hard to be what I want him to be a lot of the time. Things I’ve neglected to mention because I’m angry. Sometimes I think I’m not fair to him. I acknowledge only his faults and nothing else. Don’t get me wrong, there is plenty I could punch him in the face for. But through these bad times I know that he would defend me over what his family says anytime, any place. And he has on numerous occasions.

For a moment I remembered why I fell in love today. My heart broke for him because of the pain he was feeling. But the anger is still there, bubbling beneath the surface. I’m trying to put it away, at least until a better time. It’s hard. I hope I can hold it back for 2 more days at least. But I feel it boiling to the surface sometimes, and now is not the right time.

So send me positive vibes, because believe me, I need them.

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