Rage Blog

I feel very blah and boring today. I don’t feel interesting or entertaining.

C’mon you know something’s wrong when I’m pretty sure last night when I met my mom’s friends for dinner the waitress was being extra friendly to me and I can’t even formulate a good story out of that. I don’t know if she swung that way or if she just found me interesting.

And the converstaions weren’t even out of the ordinary it was just a feeling I got, ya know? She told me I looked very ethnic and wanted to know my nationality. I think she would have kept asking me questions but M showed up late. Later she came to give us our bill and she was asking me about my wrist tattoo. There were a few other exchanges and she mostly only talked to me. I know, like I said it sounds like friendly chit chat, but I just got that feeling, ya know what I mean?

At least I thought she was pretty. Of course I came home and told C about it. His immediate response was, ‘oh really maybe we should go back up there.’ Men.

I made jello shots last night. Along with a little bit of a mess. Maybe I’ll try one out tonight and see how they came out. Haha. Lime with tequila and raspberry with vodka. Mmmmm. 25hours!!!!

I need to get to packing tonight. I am the worst overpacker. I just never know what I’m going to wear.

Can this seriously be true?

Speaking of sanctuaries, I would really love to hide away in one right now. Would someone like to explain to me why I’m having anxiety? My head tries to be logical but my stomach is in knots.

When I was little I used to get so excited for field trips and vacations I’d make myself sick. Thinking about it, maybe I still do it subconsciously. I’m WAY excited for this weekend. I’m stressing over little things that I know in my brain I need to just let go. Don’t borrow trouble, right?

Also, my Dad has been under a lot of stress and pressure trying to get his new school ready. On top of that he thinks he has pinched nerve in his shoulder that’s making his arm tingly. That really worries me. He says he’s fine and he’s had it before. And then he’s had a headache the last couple of days. Maybe it’s the change in weather or sinus’.

He’s so stubborn and won’t go to the doctor, probably because he doesn’t have insurance and he’s already having a hard time. But in the end that shouldn’t even be a factor. I just can’t help thinking that if anything happens to him I’ll be essentially an orphan. I mean I know I’m 27 but still, I’m an only child. I have no siblings and no aunts/uncles/family that I’m extremely close to (not saying that I don’t have family). It scares the bejeesus out of me.

As I mentioned Saturday was amazing because of the rain. Sunday, not so much. It finally felt like summer here in the Mitten. The hot sticky mess of 96 degrees with heat index of over 100. I say this lovingly, please don’t think that I’m saying it’s too hot. I have been waiting since June for this weather! The storms, not so much.

At my old house we hardly ever lost power (except for when that whole grid was blown a few summers ago). We also didn’t have a basement that flooded so all these inconveniences are new to me. And I’m not loving them.

At 9ish last night a storm rolled through. It didn’t last particularly long but it did some damage. Power lines and tree limbs and trunks came crashing down. I went to bed hoping that the power would go on in the middle of the night. Nope. I got up this morning and bought four bags of ice to save the $80 I just spent on groceries on Saturday (and let me tell you we are running short on cash so the thought of having to buy more food made me ill).

C stayed home to tend to the basement which could potentially flood and to get our baby generator working. I checked the electric company’s website and they predicted us to be without power until tonight or tomorrow morning. With a new string of thunderstorms coming through tonight I wasn’t very optimistic. Our neighbors have a big generator that C hooked our fridge up to.

Just recently he called to tell me our power was back on. I hope it stays on! Fingers crossed!

I haven’t been able to enjoy a rainy day like this in forever! It was great sleeping in until 11am this morning. I haven’t done that in the longest time. So long I can’t tell you the last time. Something about the rhythm of rain is so relaxing. I spent the morning organizing and cleaning with C.

Last night I met JP for drinks after tae kwon do. I haven’t seen her in at least 5 years, maybe more. I’ve known her since I was in elementary school. We had a strange friendship. Yes, I considered her one of my best friend’s at the time but we were always really different and during high school we drifted a part but still remained somewhat friends.

What I think drove us apart after high school was my asshole boyfriend. I think she got sick of me complaining about him. Years ago when I realized we were no longer friends it hurt but I guess we all go through that.

Drinks last night was really nice. She’s the same old giggly JP I remember. It was actually like no time had passed at all. I mean we have tons to catch up on but it wasn’t awkward like you know some of those getting to know you again occassions can be.

Even though I have a shit load of stuff to do before I leave next Thursday, I’m glad we were able to get together.

I love waking up with a headache.

Last night I got my hair colored. The girl that does it is super nice and I like her a lot but she was so busy last night. I had 3 different people finishing me up. Not to mention that she missed a piece so I was there for another half an hour. It’s not her fault, she’s not the one that books her appointments and she’s told me before that sometimes they don’t give her enough time. The girl that cuts my hair is the one that finished styling me so I guess it was ok.

C and I went to dinner afterwards. I got a Berry Mojito. Um YUM!

I think ‘date’ night is going to have to be on Fridays or the weekend from now on because really, getting home at 9:30 and still having a bunch of stuff to do is not fun. I don’t even feel like I saw my dogs yesterday. And tonight after tae kwon do I’m going to meet one of my high school friends I haven’t seen in YEARS (a little nervous haha). I hope I’m not out too late because I have laundry that needs to be done and clothes to be put away from before we went away last weekend. My cousin and her husband are going to be in town this weekend and want to see the house.

Yeah. It’s a mess. That’s what happens when we aren’t home for a weekend. I’m getting tired thinking about cleaning it.

Speaking of weekends away, next Thursday LP and I leave for Oscoda. Yeah, I might have mentioned that already but it’s worth mentioning another 100 times because our girl weekends are precious. It’s nice just spending time one on one away from daily life. I hope I get as tipsy as I did last year when I danced in the street in Tawas.

Well, let’s get the bad stuff out of the way. Then we’ll move on to a much needed laugh.

Please keep my Dad in your thoughts, he is moving his school to a new location. They were supposed to have his space ready by December 15th (when he needs to be out of his current location). He called them for 2 months asking about the progress and nothing was getting done.

They finally started this past weekend but there is no way it will be done by the 15th. He is going to have to close and reopen hopefully the first week of September. This is not good for him financially at all. I don’t understand why if you are so talented at something it is so hard to succeed. He put everything he had into this school. When a lot of your parents are retiring he will still have to work. Please keep you fingers crossed that this move will be beneficial in enrolling more students and that his current students will come back in September.

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Saturday…

After dropping our stuff off at the cabin we headed into town to get something to eat and pick up some groceries. We found ourselves at a bar with a very cute patio looking out on Lake Huron. It was breezy but perfect patio weather. I ordered a bloody mary and as usual the waitress carded me. This happens all the time and I’m ok with it. I’ve always been told ‘you look so young, when you are older you’ll appreciate it’. I mean I’m already starting to be grateful for it.

I’m not ready to be back at work. To be honest I’m just not ready to be anywhere that means I have to be social. I just keep thinking I have 9 more days before LP and I invade Oscoda. This summer, though it’s been cold, has turned out pretty good. I love working flex time so I can take a 3 day weekend without using vacation time. Awesome.

Our little vacation this past weekend was nice.  It’s so hard to find a place to stay with dogs.  I understand it, I mean it’s people’s property they are renting out and the thought of 3 dogs staying in it can be horrifying.  The thing with our dogs? They are great. 

We are the ones that mess shit up.  Chuck stepped in dog doo he was picking up and tracked it in the house.  The other weekend I was moving a pillow and broke a glass that was hanging and chuck got the drape caught in the window and it ripped.  Hello, we are obviously the problem and it’s us you don’t want in your houses.  LOL.  Anyways here’s a breakdown for ya,

Lowlights:

• Nani eating 7 chocolate frosted mini donuts.  She was luckily fine but damn
• C locking the keys in the van
• Trying to boat in a rough Lake Huron and getting thrown around
• I have 52+ bug bites…um EW and ITCHY

Highlights:

• I can truly relax up there. I’m good with just chillin on the couch looking out on the water
• Talking to a real estate agent about available properties
• Grilling
• Having a beach right out the back door

I really like my job most of the time.  I get to learn new things break websites and then teach myself how to fix what I just broke.  Maintaining and updating other people’s code makes for good learning.  There is this one designer who had her head up her ass and since she left and I’ve been maintaining, updating, FIXING her code I’ve definitely learned what not to do EVER.  (ex. hard coding the navigation on EVERY page in a 5,000 page website…ok not 5,000 pages but it seems like that many.  virtual includes people)  Anyhow…

So I have a project list, not quite as extensive as the developers, cuz you know that’s not my job.  But I have this list and it’s keeps growing.  Then I have all this crap sitting in folders that needs to be done.  I’m waiting for content or a file (ahem…Keith). 

Then I have to answer phones for another department while they are on lunch and the calls are interrupting my train of thought.  And I think that my head might explode because all I wanted to do was knock out some work so it was more ankle deep, than you know, shoulder deep.  Are you following me?  No.  I don’t blame you cuz I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about either.  (Get to the point)

I was stupid busy yesterday & I didn’t have any time for my blog (boo!).  That is all.

OMG moving on…

So you know I’m leaving to go up north this weekend…SO EXCITED…especially because we are taking the doggies.  Gosh I can’t wait to see them in the water.  They know when they get to go on vacation.   Last week I knew I needed to get them pet tags (I know we are bad canine parents, they don’t have any).  According to The Dog Whisper’s newsletter, the statistics of a dog being returned to an owner is only about 10-12%.  Isn’t that sad?  I’ve been wanting to get them id tags for a long time now and our trip made me realize I had to get them NOW.

First thank you all for the birthday wishes and for making me feel more comfortable with my new hair color.  I feel like I made a good choice.

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If you’ve been reading my blog for the last year or so you know that last June I was a bit of an emotional mess.  I had a lot going on.  So tell me, is it possible that a year later when I’m more stable, I can conjure up the same anxiety I had back then?  Does that even make sense?

It started yesterday after forgetting to set my alarm.  I had to literally jump out of bed.  I felt like I never got a chance to wake up and went through the day in a haze.  It was a deja vu feeling of last year and it left me unsettled.   I’m still suffering a little from the after effects but they are just lingering.  Though I have lost my appetite again.  Boo!

I don’t ever want to be in that place again.

In other news:

• My eyes have been itching like crazy.  My poor left eye hurts from me rubbing it so much.  Anyone have any ideas about how to make this stop?  I’ve taken some claritin but it doesn’t help much.
• My best friend is moving back to Michigan at the end of July.  I’m super excited but she’s going to be 5 hours away from me.  I guess it will give me a place to visit.  Positive thoughts, right?
• I have a work project that is intimidating the shit of out of me.  I need to just start it already.

And how has your week been going?

This week couldn’t have felt longer. Mostly because of all the awesomeness planned for this weekend. Seriously. I don’t usually have lots of plans and when I do I most certainly am not excited for weekends packed with events but I think I’ll make an exception for this weekend. Three reasons:

Red Wings Game 7
Pretty new hair
Birthday Celebrations

We are going to Andrew’s on the Corner to watch the game tonight. I can’t even begin to imagine how cool it will be down there if the Wings win the Stanley Cup. Alternately, I can’t don’t want to imagine what it will be like if they don’t.

Tomorrow I’m getting my hair did. Something bold and new. So totally not me but I’m hopefully going to rock it.

And then we are going out for dinner and drinks to celebrate another great year. I’m going to be 27. It’s crazy it feels like I was just 23!

Sunday I’m not sure about. I’d like to do something since it’s my actual birthday. I think it will be nice to do something low key with C and the dogs. Maybe a little BBQ. Last year C took me horseback riding, maybe we can do that.

And Monday…well we’ll see.