Rage Blog

I’m hella shy and I’m definitely guilty of lurking on many blogs.  I think my subscriptions are at 174 and I probably comment on 30? Maybe.

If you feel up to it you can answer any, all, one or of course none of the following random questions.  Because I am random, am I not?

• Coffee. How do you feel about it?
• If you could only have one fruit for the rest of your life what would it be?
• What kind of underwear do you wear the most of?  Bikinis? Boyshorts? Thongs? Granny Panties? Boxers? Tighty Whiteys? Something I haven’t mentioned?
• Anything you’ve read here in my little piece of internet heaven you have a question about or want clarification?
• Blue, Green, Red, Yellow, Black or Purple?

Not too long ago I wrote about how I found myself before I even realized I had lost a part of me. Since the start last summer I’ve noticed that my life seems to be coming back to where I started. The past repeats itself right? Maybe not exactly the same but our lives have a pattern it follows?

“The past may not repeat itself, but it sure does rhyme”
-Mark Twain

It started with the reemergence of Kik and just kept going. In December I bought a house in a city I spent a lot of my teenage years, starting when I was 12. I found my first real boyfriend there when I was 15.

Now I drive by the house I lost my virginity in on a regular basis. I rode through the subdivision with C where LP, A Panda and I used to sneak out of the house to hang out with friends. I pass the tennis courts where JC and I played tennis and we left the Disney tennis balls that Misplaced Momma gave me when I threw a tantrum and stormed off the courts. Streets bring back vague memories I keep trying to pursue.

I got a facebook request from Sparky. I started talking to JP again, the girl who was one of my best friends. She has started connecting with others from her past. I look at our prom pictures and I laugh. We were such babies and here we are almost 10 years later reconnecting with those people. People I didn’t realize I missed until they came back into my life.

For years I was lost. I had forgotten where I had been and things I had done. I was so blinded by a bad relationship that I block out 2.5 years of my life. At the end of the 2.5 ‘dark years’ my mom died. I’m trying so hard to recall the memories before that time. I’m kind of like a flower that’s opening again for the first time (if you want to get poetic). The places I’ve been I’m taking C along with me. It feels good.

It’s the simple things in life we need to enjoy. No matter how invasive Facebook can seem, I’m grateful for it. At least right now.

The lastest in the TKD School Saga…

My dad is just about ready to give up. We painted all weekend and he found out yesterday that the city won’t let him open until he puts his sign up. He had made arrangements to move his old sign (which he paid 5k for) but the new city says his sign is too big and he doesn’t have the money for a new smaller one.

So in short he can’t open. He has an appointment with the Fire Marshall this morning. He’s hoping that by some miracle the Fire Marshall will approve the paperwork and he can go to city hall. If not, well your guess is as good as mine.

The good news…I stayed home this weekend and helped my dad paint. 8 hours worth of painting. No that’s not the good news, that would be that I’m not sore, which means my arms and shoulders aren’t as out of shape as I thought they might be.

The other good news is that most of the 2,000 square feet is painted. 10ft walls be damned. 1 office, 2 bathrooms, 1 hallway and 1 changing room be damned.

With good news there is bad news too right? Right.

Saturday night the lights in the hallway and bathroom decided to quit working. They have always been a bit funny, you know flickering and burning out light bulbs. All I can think is FIRE. So we turned the breaker off to the bathroom and C has been trying to figure out the problem.

He spent at least a couple hours checking circuits and other things I don’t care to understand. He’s not an electrician but you know what guys? He is handy. I don’t give him enough credit but he really is. So there. I’m doing it now, just don’t tell him ok? He has a tendency to let things go to his head.

I’m not going to lie. I was a little bummed out we didn’t get to go up north and look at cabins. But you were right and I needed to stay here. My dad is always there to help us out and I wouldn’t have felt right about leaving.

Well I’m out of time, I need to get back to work. Boo.

Happy Monday!

I was at aerial yoga and I witnessed something that annoys me like woah (do people still say that? No? I’m stuck in 1999? Ok, then.). There was this girl and she was irritated we started on the trapeze because she was getting callouses. Which makes me wonder, why are you doing aerial yoga? The point is to get callouses so it doesn’t hurt as bad to do tricks…Anyhow, so that was annoyance number 1. She went on to complain that because of the callouses her wedding ring didn’t fit.

Waaaaa…Waaaa…Waaaa…Who’s forcing you to be here?

Annoyance number 2 is something bigger and one of my biggest pet peeves ever. Her husband comes with her and sits with his little laptop. It’s not like he comes to see her awesomeness, no he sits in his little chair with his wireless antenna. The only excuse that would be acceptable is if she couldn’t drive. So if that’s why, ok I’ll give her a pass and even apologize. If not, well then, What. The. Fuck.

I’ve never understood couples that are joined at the hip having to do EVERYTHING together. If my opinion, and hello that’s the only one that counts right now, it’s unhealthy. I can’t imagine spending every waking hour with C that I’m not working. I’m pretty sure someone would be dead. We have our own hobbies and interests. You won’t catch me anywhere near the Michigan Speedway, unless the Indy Racing League decided to come back to town.

It’s written in stone that I never have to ask for permission to go somewhere or do something. Of course I’ll give C the common courtesy of letting him know what I’m doing, even going so far as putting it in our synced calendar. He laughs when the reminder for aerial yoga goes off.

I don’t know, I just needed to get that off my chest. If you’re that girl from aerial yoga reading, I’m sorry I used you as an example but you are the most recent case I’ve encountered.

You know what’s a downer? Thinking about all the questions you really want/need to ask your mom and not being able to. Compound that with an impending mother’s day and it’s cause for a major downer.

My cousin T popped out her baby (um 30+ hours of labor mind you) last weekend. She always said she would never have kids but (in my mind) suddenly changed her mind. Which hey, that’s cool, no hate. It got me thinking IF I ever wanted to have kids I know almost nothing about my mom’s pregnancy except that it was hard and that she couldn’t have any more children.

I started making a list of people I can ask for their view of it but it’s never going to be as good as getting it from the source. Today I asked J about it. I learned somethings that, well, suck. She had high blood pressure and blood in her urine all through pregnancy and J thought they found what might be a cause for kidney problems. This conversation led to my mom’s actual kidney problems. The ones that led to her being on dialysis for 5+ years and having a kidney transplant that she enjoyed for 1.5 years before she developed cancer and became my angel when I was 21.

Oh yes, this is depressing.

Anyhow, J didn’t think my mom ever got the answer to what caused her kidney problems. My papa had cystic kidneys but that wasn’t what she had. At one point the doctor’s thought maybe it was her high blood pressure (which she developed during pregnancy) that damaged her kidneys but then it was ruled out. The bottom line is there was never an answer, just an odd situation. I remember my mom telling me that I wouldn’t have to worry about the kidney problems, but who knows. I’ve been tested and everything came back normal. That doesn’t mean in the years to come I won’t develop problems.

I didn’t plan for today’s post to be so depressing, but sometimes that happens. It actually leads into that I’m walking for the Detroit Zoo Kidney Walk on May 16th. I have a donation page and if you are interested in donating please let me know.

The weather today is rocking my socks off. Well, if I was wearing socks. It’s so nice out I’m rocking flip flops and loving it. Who knew that April (and March for that matter) was able to produce such beautiful days. I had forgotten that we sometimes get these great surprises. And after last years miserably cold “summer”, this is awesome. I hope this means summer will be hot. Hey, I’ll even take the humidity. I say that now but when my hair looks like a frizzy mess I’ll probably take it back.

I’m excited for the weekend. I think tomorrow night I’m going to try a yoga class. My first ever! Work today has been a bit of a train wreck and I’m excited to go home.

I got 2 inches cut off my hair on Tuesday. I know that’s not a lot, but I can definitely tell. I’m not sure if I like it or not. It usually takes me a couple days to get used to it, but I feel like I have a mushroom on my head with all the short layers she cut in.

I was really bad yesterday, I skipped taekwondo and took the dogs for a walk instead. When the weather starts to get nicer my motivation to work out kind of dwindles. Which makes no sense because in no time I’m going to have to wear a bathing suit!

Around 6 years ago now, even though I have lived in Michigan my entire life, I finally learned the importance of driving carefully and slowly in the snow. It frustrates me to no end to be passed on the highway by insane psychos who aren’t even considering for a moment how awful the road conditions are. The scariest part for me is when I’m driving a little under 70 MPH (miles per hour) when a semi-truck passes me. On the left.

I’m a little scared of semi-trucks to being with and you’ll understand why in a minute. But I need someone to explain something to me. If you have lived this long in this state, you have lived through these winters for many years. You know how dangerous driving is. So why do you still act like an idiot? Because you think you’re not going to be one of the people in the ditch? Well, that’s what I thought, too.

I had just returned from Florida, where I had taken a vacation over winter break. Seriously, the DAY I flew back, a winter storm was just winding down and making its way out of the area.

Driving home that afternoon from the airport, I had pulled off the highway for some delicious Burger King to consumer when I got home. Getting back on the highway, I’ll admit it, I did get on that highway too fast. I was driving too fast for conditions, point blank.

Just getting onto the highway, I hit a patch of slushy-ness mixed with ice. I lost control of my car. My dog, Ike, was in my lap (I had picked him up from a friend’s house on the way home, by the way). The next thing I knew, I was headed toward a ditch and I tried to correct myself by steering to the left….and I shot into the highway instead of getting into my lane correctly.

I don’t remember a lot after that. What I DO remember is thinking that something was going to hit me. I KNEW something was going to hit me. But I never looked out my window to see (which turned out to be a good thing — if I had, I would have very likely had a some nasty facial scars)…I slightly remember getting hit. Blacking out. Waking up. Confusion. Realization. Shock. Screaming. Oh, yeah, I remember freaking out quite vividly. Not because I was hurt or that I had been in an accident. It was the realization that my dog was not in the car. My door had been jarred open in the hit. Where was my dog!?

Within no time, there were witnesses around my car, trying to calm me down, looking for my dog, who was found about 6 feet behind, wandering around confused. I know I was in and out of consciousness at this time. I went into shock for sure after I realized i had blood all over me, and no one could figure out right away where it was coming from. Later, I would find out it came from a 4 inch dash on my scalp (15 stitches AND staples in my scalp to fix that up). I also ended up suffering from a crushed pubic bone (part of the pelvis).

So…What did I hit? A semi. On my driver’s side door. Thank God that the weather was bad enough that the semi was only going 30 miles an hour.

There are so many factors that really could have made that accident worse, but it wasn’t. I’m just thankful to be alive. It took me a few years to even want to drive in the snow. And once I finally got over the anxiety, I started driving smart. Like the other jerks who don’t? Should.

I once lived there. All of my formative years, and most of all my childhood memories were formed there. It is sometimes my pride for close to twenty years to say I grew up there. It’s such a golden, warm, beautiful town that it’s really easy to forget that there’s a whole world out there to be experienced and explored. In Southern California, we all lived in some sort of sheltered bubble, encased with our endless seas and perfect sandy beaches.

About five years ago I met a man on the internet that tore me out of dull-brained existence, and woke me up. Meeting him left me salivating for a greater world. And in June of that year, I packed up most of my worldly possessions and moved across the country to Detroit.

Before I left, I wrote San Diego a good-bye letter.

—

Dear San Diego, Once upon a time, I loved you.

As a little kid, growing up on the border of the ghetto, I would feign a ghetto-fabulous accent and holler “reppin’ the 6-I-9″ (for 619, the original sole area code of the Greater San Diego Area). I’d frequent San Diego-only chat rooms on AOL as a teenager. If we saw a San Diego Store (like the Made in Detroit store in Detroit) I’d go there and try to find a bunch of San Diego gear to sport my loyalty for you.

But the thing is, you’re just one big typical Southern California town with a big attitude, pretensions of being a big, bad bustling metropolis with edgy urban things to offer, but you’re really just a vacation town for old Republicans to retire in if they have the money, and stupid fat head frat boys and sorority girls from all over the US to come and make party time hell for the people who actually live here.

You’re stunningly beautiful, don’t get me wrong. Very beautiful. And you have a history and culture all your own. There’s no denying that. There is an artistry in some of your neighborhoods that cannot be found anywhere else in the world. There is a poetry that can be felt in the nature found here.

Balboa Park and it’s gardens and museums. Historic Gaslamp Quarter and its restaurants and old building facades, and the many drunken Friday and Saturday nights I spent there, giggling and dancing with my best friends… Hillcrest and all its vintage shopping grandeur. La Jolla Cove and its cliffs and small grotto. The beaches. God, the beaches. The mountains. The quaint tea and coffee shops hosting acoustic folk pop and poetry slams well into the indigo night.

I’m thankful for Taekwondo because it allows me to spend at least 3 days a week with my Dad. When we are together we may not have deep conversations but that’s not what’s important. Taekwondo also gives me strength, not only physically but mentally and emotionally too.

I’m thankful for blogging because it opened up a community that  I never knew existed. It’s hard making new friends when you get to a certain age.  It’s nice connect with people who share the same fears, hopes and goals.  A place to find support, advice and understanding.

I’m thankful for C being flexible and going along with whatever crazy plan I have.

I’m thankful for the pups for bringing entertainment when we are enjoying quiet time at home.

I’m thankful for my job because I like it most days and it gives me a paycheck that lets me travel, own a home and pay my bills.

I’m thankful for the color turquoise and fun colored nail polish because wearing it makes me happy.

I’m thankful hydraulic jeans because they are the only brand I’ve found that fit me perfect and they are not expensive.  Which C will back me up on because he’s always complaining that my jean drawer is too full to close all the way.

I’m thankful for technology because it keeps me employed and entertained.

Your Turn.