I don’t need a man

Let me start off by giving you some background:

My mom hated the outdoors. She didn’t garden, she didn’t sit outside at dusk, she didn’t go camping, she didn’t go fishing, she didn’t take joyous walks through trails. The extent of her outdoor adventures was to go to the family cottage and sit by the lake and sun herself.

I on the other hand love watching the sunrise & set, enjoying the breeze & hushed sounds of the forest, I touched fish eyes, learned to set up a tent for my own camping adventures and love being outside. However, I can’t garden (I kill everything) and I don’t like doing yard work EVER! Like my mom I relied on my dad to take care of those matters and then the responsibility fell on C.

But on this humid 83 degree day, I proved to myself I don’t need a man. After waking up and running an errand I found myself outside being productive, sweating my ass off and actually enjoying it.

I pulled weeds from our patio, swept away the dirt, chatted with my dogs, trimmed the hedges (No IC I didn’t use an electrical thing, we only had the manual thingamajigs), sprayed Round Up in the cracks of the driveway, hauled 3 garbage cans to the curb (garbage night) along with rolls of carpet that I tore up this weekend…

and…

wait for it…

I FRIGGIN ATTEMPTED TO MOW THE LAWN!

Well technically I did mow some lawn, if it was only the small patch next to our driveway. I would have finished but that POS lawn mower died on me!

When I first decided that I was going to attempt the unbelievable I stared at the lawn mower with wide eyes, afraid the blades were going to cut me to pieces. Ok I’m being dramatic but I did my fair share of staring at the piece of machinery, wondering how the hell to start the process.

I got it started on the 4 or 5 pull. My eyes were wide with fascination as I heard the engine come to life. It was a HOLY SHIT moment. Quickly I maneuvered it to the side grass and found my rhythm. I made my way to the backyard and I did a couple quick, if uneven lines, when it stalled and I couldn’t get it started again. I checked the gas and I could see the liquid sloshing around.

I even checked the G’DAMN oil. I kicked it once or twice and tried pulling on the string thing again. No luck. I tried calling it a Fucker, a Bastard, a POS but in the end it held it’s ground! My backyard is still covered in too tall grass with some uneven lines.

Friday fill-in

1. If I could be a fly on the wall I would like to listen in on a conversation about me and see facial expressions.

2. Jealousy is a waste of energy.

3. When I see a shooting star my wish would be that I’d get my happy ending and a new beginning.

4. I’d rather be outside than working any day!

5. Certain songs when I hear them make me wanna get up and dance, reminisce.

6. If time were in a bottle I’d keep certain moments so I could revisit them.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to sleep, tomorrow my plans include errands and cleaning and Sunday, I want to relax!

Every morning is a new beginning

Alright peoples…I am actually in a chipper mood today. I have no reason for it, which makes it that much better. Here are some thoughts that are running through my head:

– It feels like summer outside! Yes its hot and humid and going to top out around 91 degrees, but it is JULY! It’s about time. No worries, it’s supposed to cool off this weekend!

– I want an elephant ear…bad…like now…but for the first time in FOREVER I’m living paycheck to paycheck. Thank God I get paid on Friday! That elephant ear will be mine!

– I need more cute summer dresses because (a) they make it easy to get dressed in the morning and (b) people actually think I take time getting ready 8)

– I need a haircut, like now!

– I want to do nothing this weekend! No drinking for sure. I’ve been on a binge for a little over a month and I’m TIRED!

– My dad found my sparring video on youtube yesterday and called to chat. Our conversation went like this:
Dad: I saw you on youtube
Me: (thinking he knows what youtube is?) oh yeah
Dad: Why didn’t you tell me you were on youtube
Me: Um because you have the dvd?!
Dad: You should have told me, you won you know
Me: That’s because it was an exhibition match, we both won
Dad: Yeah, but you still won
Me: How come we haven’t sparred in 2 months?
Dad: You don’t tell me you want to spar…
Ok so it’s not funny per se, but think of Jackie Chan talking to you, my Dad sounds like that

– I have a bazillion things on my desk to work on and I want to set my new computer with 2 19′ monitors up. Maybe tomorrow! Yet I sit here and write this blog…

– I keep coming home to chewed up underwear, couches and pillows…Scooby is back to being locked up (insert the Bad Boys song here)

– Kensington Lake is disgustingly dirty and I refuse to go swimming there

– I totally am getting raise at work! *doing a happy dance, stops to think…maybe I should get back to work

Oh the blinking

I’ve been at work for oh almost half an hour. When I first approached the doors I saw the dreaded blinking light. For God’s sake, the blinking. I’m surprised I haven’t had a seizure from the blinking.

Oh thank heavens, K is actually good for something (HA and I know he’ll read that). He put a box over it so the visual of the blinking light is greatly diminished.

Shit now I have to find something else to complain about…

Please hold…there are tons of things I can choose from but I need to find something internets appropriate.

Tidbits

So I’m in a slump, but I’ll leave you with some profound sayings I hold close to my heart.  Mostly because the person who shared them with me is as special as they come.

“I don’t want you to change, I want you to learn”

“Take a quote you like, like the ones on the bottom of your emails, and change it around to fit you”

“If we thought about everything we said before we said it, after awhile it would be habit and we wouldn’t say things we didn’t mean”

Of course

The universe would have no other way…

got an email from my realtor.  the bank is trying to keep the deposit money from the house that fell through.  their excuse?  the denial letter took too long?!  WTF?  Seriously?

No idea what to do now…the decision isn’t final yet but i’m worried.

Final thoughts

…for the day

  • mulch smells like ass
  • i can’t behave myself at work sometimes and I end up laying on the floor taking a picture of myself with my phone, while MA encourages the behavior
  • i also wedge myself between the fake wall and conference room wall and peak out at KM
  • i sit cross legged in my chair with my shoes off and twirl my chair back and forth
  • i laugh and my heart feels lighter

oops meant to post this last night, i hate when i do that

Wasted part II

So I recall this time when I was in college and we were drinking while at work. please now is not the time to ask about drinking at work. it was the time i passed out under the desk. after drinking shots of nasty whiskey we headed to the union for mcdonalds.

Apparently, poor aaron came into work the next day with smashed fries underneath his desk. i had been sitting in his chair the day before. well…tonight i made myself a scrambled egg sandwich (i’ve been told I have a weird craving for eggs when I’m drunk) and as i tried to shovel it in my mouth my dogs were gobbling pieces off the floor.

ahhhh a perfect sunday…piece and quiet and beer.

Excerpts from the letter to myself

I write when I’m happy, sad, mad, irritated…ok you get the point. Whatever I feel I write. Lucky for you guys it’s not all on this blog. I can only let some of the crazy show. I have lots of private stuff that IC has graciously agreed to destroy in the event of my untimely death. (Well I told her she HAS to, you can’t deny someone’s dying wish. And IC that IS my dying wish…see it’s in writing now and all my lovely, great bloggie friends have read it!)

Do you guys have a friend like that? Someone you would trust with pretty much everything inside your head that you’re afraid for the world to see? I hope you do. I trust her to either A. just purge it all or B. she’ll read it, cry cuz she misses me and then think “wow, I’m so glad she kept this shit to herself, crazy bitch. I personally hope she would pick option B because by then I won’t care what she thinks and she might actually smile at some of the thoughts I had.

Guess where C is taking me for my birthday on Saturday! Horseback riding! WEEEEEE!!!!!!

It’s about time

I’m letting go now.  It feels right.  My world is still wrong or maybe changing.  But I’m letting it all go.  The stress of the house, thing a and thing b and down the list I’ll go.  It’s time.  5 days in an angry cloud is enough.  Breathing in and breathing out letting each thing go one at a time.

May there be peace in your day today as well.

*hugs

I promise this is the last post about my irritability.  If I have nothing else to write about I’ll be back when I do.

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