I have a pretty long commute which leads my mind to wander. Sometimes I make up stories and conversations in my head (this is normal right? right!) and others I ponder life questions.
Yesterday I got to thinking about children, which isn’t surprising since I’m at the age where some of my friends are starting families. I was never the little girl dreaming about my wedding dress, actually my friends (you know who you are!) and I were the ones making our Barbies have sex, not get married. Sure I played house but honestly how realistic is that? Maybe I just don’t have that nurturing gene.
Is that something that you always have or is it something you acquire as you get older, like wisdom?
It’s weird right now, there is a huge gap between the friends that have families and the ones still trying to find their way. Like always, I feel like I’m in the middle. Yes I’m married and have a house but there are no plans for the pitter patter of feet now or maybe ever.
I came to the conclusion in my car that I am just beginning to find myself, to feel comfortable in my own skin. I have no inkling to want to change that. For the first time in my life I feel that I am where I need to be. I fell into a job that I actually enjoy (really I fell into it and I always thought people were full of shit when they said that) and I feel like I’m almost to the point of being able to express myself without a second thought of what anyone else thinks (for better or for worse).
Why would I want to change that? And if I’m not fully comfortable with myself, how would I ever care for a child? Not to mention I like being able to do things on my time. Shooooooooooooooot, I get crabby sometimes having to figure out my schedule according to C’s, cuz you know we do have 3 dogs that need caring for.
I also want to be able to spend money (somewhat) frivolously on dying my hair, clothes, patio sets and travel instead of formula and diapers.
When people say that they are ready to start a family I feel odd. Am I missing something? Obviously I have different priorities and there is no right or wrong answer. I’d like to wear a sign that says ‘please don’t ask me when I’m having kids’, we are sick of being badgered. It’s like we’ve been married for 2 years so the next thing is a family. Please. There is so much out there to discover. It may be rude, but kids right now would just hold us back.
If we decide to have kids that is way down the road. I’m sure I’ll be at least 35, which is crazy because that means that my best friend’s kid will be 8 and A’s kids will be 11 and 8. So crazy.