Getting closure & facebook crazy

esterday I asked the Twitter world, “if you could send an email to get closure on an issue you had been dealing with for months would you send it or would you suck it up and keep trying to let the issues go”.

I sent the email yesterday. After months of trying just to let the issue go I decided that there comes a time where I don’t have to put my feelings away and that it’s ok to let them be known. Why should I have to bottle everything up inside?

I know that my email will go unanswered and in all honesty I don’t expect a response. There is really nothing for the other party to say.

I am so glad it’s Friday but I’m also really stressed out about my homework and my midterm coming up. So much so that I’m having dreams about not being able to complete my homework because I don’t understand. In all fairness though, I haven’t exactly read the chapter yet and I’m holding onto hope that if I read it everything will magically make sense. I’m not too sure about that though.

I don’t have any plans for the weekend besides reading 4 chapters and completing the work. My house could use a good cleaning and I think I’d like to bake something.

What are you up to?

Oh and I’ve been meaning to write this because it’s a little crazy. After I posted about Landon I realized I hadn’t talked to J in awhile so I texted him. His response was, “that is so weird I was just thinking about you and I had a dream about you last night!”.

A little weird huh?

Well that afternoon I for some reason searched Landon’s name on Facebook and someone had created an account for him. I honestly was a little creeped out by it because it’s like he’s still here. I would have been much less disturbed by it if it was a fan page or something.

Wait this gets even more interesting.

So while I was at tae kwon do that night LP sends me a message and tells me that she was looking at her friend Courtney’s page and she noticed that one of her friends was Landon, thus finding Landon’s facebook page too.

It’s just crazy that in one day Landon came up numerous times.

One last thing. I’m going to try and take a break from facebook because, daaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnggggggg, it makes me more neurotic than I normally am!

Belated labor day post

In honor of Labor Day here is a post on all the places I’ve worked:

Hostess – Dario’s Restaurant: I learned how to take orders and about the very interesting type of people that work in restaurants.

Customer Service Associate – Sears: I worked 2 Christmas seasons in the kids department. Never. Again. People are disgusting they pee in dressing rooms. Yes, pee. Sick.

Wayne State – Student Assistant : I worked here for 5 years doing administrative tasks. I actually loved the people I worked with more than the job. We drank and passed out under desks. I had sex once on a said desk. We hung out at the bar afterwards. It was a pretty good time usually. Of course we were all catty talking behind one another’s backs and now I don’t think many of us stayed in touch with one another.

Pure Postcards: It was a mind numbing boring job that I wanted to gouge my eyes out. We were housed in a concrete building with no windows. I took up smoking so I could get a smoke break and hang out on the back deck.

Jani-King – Receptionist: THE. WORST. JOB. EVER. The people were obnoxious and snotty and I was always running around. I was bitchy when I came home every night and I wanted to cry every morning when my alarm went off. A 12-line phone system will do that to you when you have to do all kinds of administrative duties and deal with crabby franchisees. Not to mention your boss is a passive aggressive bitch because she’s as miserable as you are. Not to mention I had to wear pantyhose and dress up EVERY DAY.

Wayne State – Technician: A temporary position doing data entry. Got to hang out with the people from my Student Assistant position but it wasn’t the same.

Current Job – Web Content Admin: LOVE most days.

Where have you worked? What was your favorite job?

Fighting exposure

Awhile ago I thought I’d try therapy. It didn’t work out for me because the bitch therapist made me want to punch her in the face. I’m sure that the person you are supposed to be spilling your guts to shouldn’t be someone you want to murder. So after the 3rd visit I decided not to go back.

I wasn’t giving up on the idea of therapy but when I called to see if I could see someone else they told me I had to “break up” with my original therapist.

Yeah. That never happened. I feel mostly stable so until I feel like I might fall apart again I think I’ll just keep on doing what I’m doing.

The reason why I’m telling you this is because something she said to me still irritates the hell out of me and I’d like to get your opinion.

I told her truthfully that I NEVER heard my parents argue. I never heard my dad raise his voice to my mom and I never heard her do anything more than a little nagging. I lived with my parents until my mom died when I was 21. 21 years I never heard them raise their voices to one another.

I think if I ever have children I’d want to raise them in the same environment. That kids shouldn’t have to listen to their parents fight.

My therapist said, “that because I never heard them fight is why I have a problem with confrontation, I never learned to deal with it.” So basically I had to hear them fight to learn how to deal with it? What about me fighting with them, I couldn’t learn to deal with it then?

Thoughts? Agree? Disagree?

Looking back and cringing

A little while ago I twittered (or is it tweeted?) asking if it was weird that my dad was facebook friends with my high school boyfriend (we’ll call him JC). If I remember correctly I think a couple people responded saying yes. I’m friends with JC on facebook too but he was friends with my dad first. The truth is JC was close to my parents when we dated. They loved him. My mom especially. She cried when we broke up, well when we broke up the first and last times. I dated JC from the time I was 15 until I went to college. Actually he met me for lunch at Wayne a couple times.

You may wonder what is bringing on this little heart purging. Well a couple months ago after C and I ran into JC he left me a note on my wall basically saying he was happy for me.

The details from back then are hazy. I think I block it out. I don’t remember a lot of things before my Mom died. You think I would hold onto memories but it’s not until something happens that I open up that, time capsule, for lack of a better word. But thinking about it last night on my drive home from work make me cringe. He was my first true boyfriend. We had the typical up and down high school relationship (we attended different high schools). But I think I brought on most of the downs.

I was the typical self-centered, emotional teenage girl. Now all I remember are the bad things I did to JC. He was a nice guy. Maybe too nice. So hopefully after I get this off my chest I will feel better and you won’t think bad of me. (Shell, if you can think of something bad he did to me I’d appreciate knowing, it would make me feel better too haha)

I broke up with him a lot and then tearfully made him get back together with me. At the end of our 3 year on/off relationship I broke up with him over a payphone while I was camping* with Misplaced Momma so I wouldn’t feel bad about kissing Kik.

He came to my Mom’s memorial service and I remember not wanting to talk to him. I hadn’t seen him in at least 2 years and my douchebag boyfriend was there with me. I don’t know if I didn’t want to talk to him because I felt weird that DB b/f was there or because I just didn’t want to deal with it (fact: DB b/f made me go outside and talk to JC when he was leaving). It didn’t occur to me to think about how it affected him. My mom and him had a special bond.

He visited my friend Lisa and asked for my number but Lisa said she’d have me call him and I never did.

Yeah it doesn’t seem like a lot I guess but the memories attached with each statement make me feel like a horrible person especially when JC did things like,

– called to let me know when Landon(who he went to high school with but wasn’t friends with) died and when the funeral was because I had hung out with Landon when we dated.

-would stay on the phone with me until I fell asleep

-hung out with my parents and geuinely enjoyed it

-was ridiculously upset every time I broke up with him

-wrote me notes

-drove me anywhere and everywhere

-always hung out with my friends


I know this post is kind of strange. I hope you don’t take it the wrong way. I have no current feelings for JC except maybe wishing him the best. This is all about me and what a snotty bitch I was in high school. I hope I’ve changed, at least a little.