I really like my job most of the time.  I get to learn new things break websites and then teach myself how to fix what I just broke.  Maintaining and updating other people’s code makes for good learning.  There is this one designer who had her head up her ass and since she left and I’ve been maintaining, updating, FIXING her code I’ve definitely learned what not to do EVER.  (ex. hard coding the navigation on EVERY page in a 5,000 page website…ok not 5,000 pages but it seems like that many.  virtual includes people)  Anyhow…

So I have a project list, not quite as extensive as the developers, cuz you know that’s not my job.  But I have this list and it’s keeps growing.  Then I have all this crap sitting in folders that needs to be done.  I’m waiting for content or a file (ahem…Keith). 

Then I have to answer phones for another department while they are on lunch and the calls are interrupting my train of thought.  And I think that my head might explode because all I wanted to do was knock out some work so it was more ankle deep, than you know, shoulder deep.  Are you following me?  No.  I don’t blame you cuz I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about either.  (Get to the point)

I was stupid busy yesterday & I didn’t have any time for my blog (boo!).  That is all.

OMG moving on…

So you know I’m leaving to go up north this weekend…SO EXCITED…especially because we are taking the doggies.  Gosh I can’t wait to see them in the water.  They know when they get to go on vacation.   Last week I knew I needed to get them pet tags (I know we are bad canine parents, they don’t have any).  According to The Dog Whisper’s newsletter, the statistics of a dog being returned to an owner is only about 10-12%.  Isn’t that sad?  I’ve been wanting to get them id tags for a long time now and our trip made me realize I had to get them NOW.

First thank you all for the birthday wishes and for making me feel more comfortable with my new hair color.  I feel like I made a good choice.

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If you’ve been reading my blog for the last year or so you know that last June I was a bit of an emotional mess.  I had a lot going on.  So tell me, is it possible that a year later when I’m more stable, I can conjure up the same anxiety I had back then?  Does that even make sense?

It started yesterday after forgetting to set my alarm.  I had to literally jump out of bed.  I felt like I never got a chance to wake up and went through the day in a haze.  It was a deja vu feeling of last year and it left me unsettled.   I’m still suffering a little from the after effects but they are just lingering.  Though I have lost my appetite again.  Boo!

I don’t ever want to be in that place again.

In other news:

• My eyes have been itching like crazy.  My poor left eye hurts from me rubbing it so much.  Anyone have any ideas about how to make this stop?  I’ve taken some claritin but it doesn’t help much.
• My best friend is moving back to Michigan at the end of July.  I’m super excited but she’s going to be 5 hours away from me.  I guess it will give me a place to visit.  Positive thoughts, right?
• I have a work project that is intimidating the shit of out of me.  I need to just start it already.

And how has your week been going?

This week couldn’t have felt longer. Mostly because of all the awesomeness planned for this weekend. Seriously. I don’t usually have lots of plans and when I do I most certainly am not excited for weekends packed with events but I think I’ll make an exception for this weekend. Three reasons:

Red Wings Game 7
Pretty new hair
Birthday Celebrations

We are going to Andrew’s on the Corner to watch the game tonight. I can’t even begin to imagine how cool it will be down there if the Wings win the Stanley Cup. Alternately, I can’t don’t want to imagine what it will be like if they don’t.

Tomorrow I’m getting my hair did. Something bold and new. So totally not me but I’m hopefully going to rock it.

And then we are going out for dinner and drinks to celebrate another great year. I’m going to be 27. It’s crazy it feels like I was just 23!

Sunday I’m not sure about. I’d like to do something since it’s my actual birthday. I think it will be nice to do something low key with C and the dogs. Maybe a little BBQ. Last year C took me horseback riding, maybe we can do that.

And Monday…well we’ll see.

I have a pretty long commute which leads my mind to wander. Sometimes I make up stories and conversations in my head (this is normal right? right!) and others I ponder life questions.

Yesterday I got to thinking about children, which isn’t surprising since I’m at the age where some of my friends are starting families. I was never the little girl dreaming about my wedding dress, actually my friends (you know who you are!) and I were the ones making our Barbies have sex, not get married. Sure I played house but honestly how realistic is that? Maybe I just don’t have that nurturing gene.

Is that something that you always have or is it something you acquire as you get older, like wisdom?

It’s weird right now, there is a huge gap between the friends that have families and the ones still trying to find their way. Like always, I feel like I’m in the middle. Yes I’m married and have a house but there are no plans for the pitter patter of feet now or maybe ever.

I came to the conclusion in my car that I am just beginning to find myself, to feel comfortable in my own skin. I have no inkling to want to change that. For the first time in my life I feel that I am where I need to be. I fell into a job that I actually enjoy (really I fell into it and I always thought people were full of shit when they said that) and I feel like I’m almost to the point of being able to express myself without a second thought of what anyone else thinks (for better or for worse).

Why would I want to change that? And if I’m not fully comfortable with myself, how would I ever care for a child? Not to mention I like being able to do things on my time. Shooooooooooooooot, I get crabby sometimes having to figure out my schedule according to C’s, cuz you know we do have 3 dogs that need caring for.

I also want to be able to spend money (somewhat) frivolously on dying my hair, clothes, patio sets and travel instead of formula and diapers.

When people say that they are ready to start a family I feel odd. Am I missing something? Obviously I have different priorities and there is no right or wrong answer. I’d like to wear a sign that says ‘please don’t ask me when I’m having kids’, we are sick of being badgered. It’s like we’ve been married for 2 years so the next thing is a family. Please. There is so much out there to discover. It may be rude, but kids right now would just hold us back.

If we decide to have kids that is way down the road. I’m sure I’ll be at least 35, which is crazy because that means that my best friend’s kid will be 8 and A’s kids will be 11 and 8. So crazy.